Help! I can’t write my vows!

Writing your own vows can be tricky. There’s probably a million questions swirling in your mind. Where do I start? Should I be funny or sentimental? How can I possibly write everything I want to say to this person without it going on forever? Do I just include promises and vows, or should I talk about other things? Should I keep it secret or practice reading to someone close? Why didn’t I start this sooner??

There’s a lot to consider here. But, relax. We’ve heard more than a few vows in our work and guess what? We’ve never heard vows and thought, “Meh. Doesn’t sound like love.” or “Those vows were just OK.” They’ve all been great because they are personal and from the heart.

So how do you get there? Eventually you will, but if you’re like us then you want to get a head start. So here’s a step-by-step process to writing your vows from some former journalists.

1. Do a brain dump. Start thinking about your future spouse and write down any fun memories, words, phrases or jokes that come to mind. They don’t have to be written perfectly or spelled correctly. In fact, it doesn’t need to be in any form at all. Use a sketchpad for all we care! Draw stuff! The goal is to start creating a pool of words to work with. When you feel satisfied with the thoughts about your fiancé, start visualizing your future marriage. Do the same exercise.

2. Talk to a close friend. Yes, this early in the process. Have a conversation with someone who knows both of you and knows your relationship. It could be someone from your wedding party, family, friends that you see a lot… anyone that knows you both! Read some of the things you wrote down. Ask this person what they think of when they think of you and your fiancé. Write down what they say. Go full reporter and record it for bonus points.

3. Highlight the good stuff. With any storytelling, there’s a natural culling process that occurs. Highlight what’s especially important or most meaningful to you and your fiancé, or better yet, rewrite some of the best stuff. In this process, remember who you are writing this for.

4. Outline it. While we have never heard bad vows, we’ve definitely heard some outstanding ones. In all of the outstanding ones, there are three parts. There’s the first part where we say, “This is how our story started.” The second part is where we reveal, “Something changed and I wanted to spend forever with you.” The third part usually finishes with, “This is what I want to promise to you.” Take the words and phrases about your fiancé and start to outline what you want to say in each part. OMG guess what… you just made a story arc!

5. Write it out! And do so without worrying about grammar, brevity or how it sounds. Just get everything out there that you want to say. If you make your fiancé laugh, don’t be afraid to infuse some humor. Then pat yourself on the back, because it’s all downhill from here!

6. Sleep on it. As tempting as it is to start editing right away, don’t. Step away from the document, let your mind relax and then come back to it.

7. Take a pass through it. After you’ve had a break, come back to the document. Read it aloud. You’ll be able to catch anything that sounds clunky or odd while reading it aloud. You’ll also get a good idea of how long everything is and if you are OK with the length. And remember, it’s your ceremony so whatever length you think is good is the right length. (Pro tip: If your vows are getting too long, ask your fiancé about whether or not you want to write letters to each other to be read before the first look or ceremony. These can be more casual and it’s a great moment for us!)

8. Read your vows to a close friend (or a Huckleberry!) Read your vows to a close friend or family member (not your fiancé). It gives you time to work through any of the clunks, and they also might have some suggestions of how to say something differently if you’re having trouble. This is something we are happy to do with our clients if they request it, too!

9. Read them aloud to yourself (or someone) more. We recommend reading through them at least three times before the big day. If you’ve hired us, we’ll take a moment while you’re getting ready to record you reading them cleanly. And trust us, it does help for you to get through them!

10. Take a deep breath and don’t rush! This process is meant to take you on a journey through your heart and mind. You’ve written your vows with originality and love and they will be wonderful. Before you say them to your fiancé at the altar, remember that they love you. Look at them and nobody else. Take a deep breath and savor the moment.